Desperately Seeking Other Humans

While putting together my third-year dossier the past several months, I found myself increasingly searching the blogosphere for others' stories along the tenure-track.  I guess I was searching for a healthy dose of humanness to help ground, or perhaps alleviate, some of the anxiety, insecurity, and resentment that built with each day I spent writing and revising my materials.  But what I found was really a whole lot more of the same -- academics scared to write about anything personal.  Adopting pseudonyms and writing in guarded, veiled narratives to avoid being identifiable by anyone -- for fear of retribution, how blogging might impact chances for promotion and tenure, or how their personal blog personality might impact future job chances. Or on the other extreme, outwardly hostile and critical of all aspects of academic life (I guess if that were me I'd be thinking about how to get another job).  But I did find a few, refreshing humans out there who just happen to be in academia.  And so to save you some time looking, I've included them here:

Red Lips and Academics sounds like a person I could have coffee with.  Down to Earth, and ready to tell it how it is.  I particularly like her Geek Love post which made the front page of Wordpress .

Scientopia is actually a host of different bloggers, each of which is in love with science.  So it's not all about academia, which I like, but when a post crops up it's usually pretty good.  I particularly like Dr Becca, and a post that resonates with me a lot right now as I finally feel I am getting my own research and up and going!

After Those Sweet Moments

I don't remember much from those few moments after my son was born.  Mostly just a mix of emotions - relief, contentment, apprehension - and the exhaustion that set in shortly after.  And later the tiny voice that echoed, "What did I get myself into?!"

That's not to say I wasn't overjoyed, I was, but I was also a bit overwhelmed.  Even with having the most amazing colleague taking over my class and no immediate pressure at work, the tenure clock never stopped ticking - loudly - in my ear.

Today, on the anniversary of my son's birth, I've learned a very valuable lesson -- how to ignore the ticking.  Or like any working parent, how to balance work and family.  For me that means focusing on using my work time most efficiently by prioritizing better, minimizing distraction (door closed more often), and saying no (not just to extra work assignments, but to leisurely trips to get coffee and extended lunches with colleagues).  I try not to think about work when I'm home and vice versa.  And most days, I'm satisfied.  So, much like TucsonMama, I ask you this -- what advice would you have for new parents striving to reach a balance?

How Can You Hate Saturday?

Just another way my life has changed since procreating. I occasionally hate Saturdays.  Ordinarily, I wouldn't have minded a day like today - heading to campus around noon and helping the rest of the department greet twenty-some prospective graduate students during our annual Visitation Day. Like many in my line of work, I find it difficult to be idle. Unfortunately, this means that for far too many of us, 40 hour work weeks get stretched beyond control to 80+ hours/week. But today, I was down right resentful.

You see, I am no longer just Professor. I now have an 8-month-old who generally goes to bed between 6-7 p.m. each night, which means on a good day I might spend 1-2 hours interacting with him. Often, it's less than an hour. And this amazing little creature is growing and learning at such a pace that even if I were a stay at home mother, I would find it difficult to keep up. But I'm not stay-at-home. I'm a working mom. Not only that, but I am a working mom who researches how people learn. So I am enthralled as I watch my son make sense of the world around him, not just as his mother but as a scientist. Frankly, I'm getting rather tired of missing out.

Today, after a week of 10+ hour work days, I was expected to participate fully in departmental events. Again, normally this wouldn't really bother me too much. I enjoy the students.  But at lunch, I realized something. Only half of the faculty have children, and of those, only 4 have children under the age of 8.  One of those faculty members didn't show up to participate.  I wish I had so much courage.  But I'm pre-tenure, and I've learned that I will be evaluated based not only on my actual talents as a scientist, teacher, and colleague but on my perceived talents as well.  So I grit my teeth, and participate.  And I fight back tears when my husband brings my baby to the poster session just 45 minutes before his bed time so that, on one of only two days of the week reserved for family, I can spend longer than an hour with my son. 

Yes, today I hated Saturday.